When we speak about norms and standards, one common reaction is to give no fucks, to pave our own way, our way. After all, they do say not to go where the path may lead, but instead to leave a trail of our own.
Still, there must have first existed a path before the said deviance. We are treading the path alone with no guide, no standard to follow, nothing to compare ourselves to.
Are we happy? Are we doing good? Are we better off than others? Are we content?
These questions we cannot reasonably answer unless we have someone to compare ourselves to. Happiness and contentment... they lie on the continuum of endless possibilities, and without another, have no inherent value.
And yet if we use our past experiences as a yardstick, we invariably end up craving for more.
To be fulfilled with a self-defined level of contentment takes a lot. A whole lot.
Unlike straight couples, who have many indicators of accomplishments (say marriage, having kids), gay couples have to seek meaning through other means. And these means are often not well established or well recognized. Only one indicator is well established enough to be of significance (personal opinion at the moment, likely to change with time), and that is time.
Straight couples know they are on the next stage of the relationship when they get engaged. Married. And then again, when they give birth to junior.
Gay couples… just don't have that coherent a model to follow. Even after achieving a clear identity of the self (Who am I?), our circumstances do not allow us the luxury of that with a significant other (Who are we, really?).
As much as I despise many social constructions, I now learn that I have become too dependent on them.
Hmm.
- The Armchair Philosopher
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